Henry Ossawa Tanner (1859-1937)
Nicodemus and Jesus on a Rooftop, 1899
oil on canvas
Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts
via Wikimedia Commons
God so loves us that he trusts us to be his hands, voice, eyes, ears, heart, and compassion in the world.
In order that we learn how to become more like God, he apprentices us to Jesus. Ours is not academic learning; it is experiential learning where we practice by watching and imitating Jesus.
Heal, eat with sinners, speak out against injustice, serve the poor, pray, love your enemies, lay down your life for others.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son…” John 3:16
Mary Ann McSweeny 
I feel sometimes Mary, God’s trust in me to be all of these things, is so in vain. These past months have been so painstaking, so exhausting, and so unbearable, (as you will see in future post) it just got to the point, where my cross was so heavy I could not breathe.
It got to the point where I was sick, my Mom was dying for three months, my Dad was sick, and my sister was sick. We were all doing our best to take care of one another, and crying to God every moment of the day.
Being His hands, heart, eyes, ears, love and compassion during all of this, was not joyous and eventually seemed as more of a burden, than a blessing. I remember thinking and telling God, “I cannot do this anymore.” “I do not want to do this anymore.” Yet the next day only brought which seemed to be an endless suffering for us all.
What happens to us Mary, when being what God calls us to be, becomes so unbearable we think we are dying under the weight of it all? That for moments in time, one wants to get rid of being a Christian and all that goes with it? Yet, there is something/someone inside of you, that will not let that be?
When we get to this point, is God’s trust in us in vain? I ask myself that all the time now, and I need an answer. God Bless, SR
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Dear SR,
A few thoughts.
Apprenticed to Jesus, we learn that when we are hanging on the cross it’s okay to call out: “Why have you abandoned me?” God trusts us to be fully human. And that, to me, means feeling the blame, anger, and depression that are part of the grief cycle and expressing those feelings to God.
A passage that helps me is Matthew 11:28-30:
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
I have a tendency to try too hard to be kind, compassionate, forgiving, a perfect follower of Jesus. I have to give myself permission to stop trying so hard and just be myself: God’s perfectly imperfect creation. And let Jesus yoke with me to walk through the valley of death.
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Oh Mary, how I love your answer. How I breathed a sigh of relief when I read it. That meant more to me than anything else in the world.
It is okay when hanging on the cross to cry out in the feeling of abandonment, isn’t it??? I have never heard it put that way, and I love it, as that is exactly how I felt. In actuality we are crying with the voice of Jesus when we do.
I, as you, often “try to hard.” You know Mary, sometimes God never ask us to “try that hard.” I think He wants us to do what we can, and trust Him for the rest. Also, to trust that He loves me in all my “imperfections.”
Thank you so much dear friend. I cherish your wisdom with all of my heart. Thank you so much for the Scriptures. God Bless, SR
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I love how you put it, SR: “we are crying with the voice of Jesus.”
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